My name is Rob, I am a musician/composer. I have been utilizing psychedelics since the age of 16. When I was 18 I had a breakthrough experience where I did Nataraja’s dance of destruction. For the ensuing seven years my mind has been kind of glitching out. I find myself projecting destructive energy onto just about everything, including people and things I value. I have since been diagnosed as schizoaffective and epileptic. I went through storage and found my shiva statue broken in two. My life has been disrupted and I’m doing my best to restart my fledgling music career. It feels highly delicate. Do you have any counsel which may help? I have feared that my soul has left my body and fear losing my conscience.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing deeply. Nataraja, a depiction of the Hindu god Shiva as the cosmic ecstatic dancer. It represents our approaching ultimate destruction, our physical death, as a joyful divine dance that is the source of the cycle of creation, preservation and dissolution. Consider the significance the symbol has that is disturbing your peace.
The disturbance you describe sounds like a case that might be helped by Soul Retrieval techniques. Looking online, I found this article on “Self-Generated Soul Retrieval” that seemed quite articulate and could be a guide to Soul Retrieval practice. Reading the article and others addressing the subject, then, Follow the practices of Soul Retrieval recommended could help you replace current negative inner messages to your brain, re-routing your mental neurons to a new way of thinking of yourself and your life.
A pervading belief that you are broken from the invasion of a past thought and action may be sabotaging your mental wellness. Belief in the possibility of complete healing may be an important view to cultivate now. Reading Bruce Lipton’s book The Biology of Belief has the potential to change the way you view your own thinking. Stunning new scientific discoveries about the biochemical effects of the brain’s functioning show that all the cells of your body are affected by your thoughts. Your doctor’s diagnosis, that you are “schizoaffective and epileptic,” could be viewed as a “hex” that has branded you and identified you with a negative and immutable life sentence. To retrieve your soul and overcome this spell on your mind, you must harness your own mental energy to overcome the labels you are now habitually embodying and repeating to yourself, as if they were your personal mantra. Each time you hear in your mind that diagnosis from your past, counter the thought with a new mantra, “Thank you, God, for my healing.”
Know that I am an artist, a mother, a wife, a minister, not a health care professional of any kind, not schooled in counseling or coaching.
I speak from the heart of a caring observer and spiritual friend. Do the research and practices suggested by authors, scientists and healers that believe that self-healing from trauma and dis-ease is totally possible. Medication may help you, but may also have side-effects about which you should be aware. If I were in your shoes, I’d do all I could, reading, practicing and talking to sympathetic healers, before taking on regular long-term chemical altering or any physically invasive medication.
Love & light,